


Lets Take Our Time in the Moonlight

by mlbee



Series: Running Home to You [3]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Aspec Mikael, Bisexual Jonas, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15365775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlbee/pseuds/mlbee
Summary: And Mikael...Well Mikael was afraid. He wanted to know Jonas. Every good and bad part, every flaw and perfection, Mikael wanted to know it, to see it with his eyes, to feel it in his heart, and store it away for later, building towers of compassion, filled to the brim with love for the young beautiful boy in front of him.But he was scared. He wanted to hold as much of Jonas in his hands as he possibly could. But he wasn't sure he was ready.





	Lets Take Our Time in the Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> This is different from what I usually write/post about them, so I'm a bit nervous. I'd love to know what you think though! Thanks for reading!

Mikael has been thinking a lot lately. That's not to say he isn't always thinking, because he is. His mind doesn't seem to turn off. But it feels like it's been working overtime lately. He and Jonas have been together for nearly two years, and it's been the best two years of his life. Jonas came as such a surprise, so completely unexpected, and he turned Mikael's world from grey into different shades of blue, purple, and gold. He became the best friend he's ever had, because he was more than just a best friend. There were aspects of Mikael that he hardly understood himself, and Jonas was the only other person who knew them. He told Jonas everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts of him Jonas longed to see. Mikael laid his soul bare over the course of their relationship and Jonas did the same.

They seemed to be on the same page nearly all the time. They moved in sync around each other when they cooked dinner at Jonas's place. They comfortably existed in silence--something Mikael wasn't always good at doing, having been surrounded by noise his entire life. They fit together, as cheesy as it sounds, like two puzzle pieces, and honest to god Mikael didn't know how he existed in this world before he met Jonas.

It was interesting to him, hearing about the parts of Jonas from Before. How Jonas grew up, how every decision he made, every friend, every book he read turned him into the incredible man he was today. Jonas would tell him stories about seeing him on campus, stories of months, a year almost of secretly pining to know more about the slender brown skinned boy across the quad. It was amazing to Mikael that he could have been the object of Jonas's quiet affection for so long, without even realizing Jonas existed.

Maybe he knew, on some other plane of existence that Jonas was out there. Maybe it was this cosmic tug that gave Mikael hope that he _could_ find love one day. Maybe the universe used Jonas as a sign to Mikael that he held the possibility of attraction. Maybe Allah knew that they fit together.

So as time went on, Mikael started to look at them more. Like the video cameras he took apart, his mind worked steadily on their relationship, noticing the nuances of it, finding out exactly what made it so great. And he could list them forever. Jonas was passionate, first and foremost, and whatever he set his mind to he was going to accomplish. He was a great listener too, always gathering information like it was an insatiable hunger. He was thoughtful, always watching out for Mikael, always being careful of boundaries, but not afraid to push just a little more, getting Mikael more comfortable with being alive. Jonas picked up on small things about Mikael and he couldn't help but be amazed by that. That there were aspects of Mikael that Jonas craved to know more about, parts of Mikael that Jonas longed to see.

And Mikael...Well Mikael was afraid. He wanted to know Jonas. Every good and bad part, every flaw and perfection, Mikael wanted to know it, to see it with his eyes, to feel it in his heart, and store it away for later, building towers of compassion, filled to the brim with love for the young beautiful boy in front of him.

But he was scared. He wanted to hold as much of Jonas in his hands as he possibly could. But he wasn't sure he was ready.

He knew that sex was the next step for them, and truth be told he wanted it. But he had never wanted anything like that before, so he didn't know how to behave.

It was awkward really, and it was the one part of their relationship they didn't actively talk about. It wasn't bad _per se_ , but something about it just felt sort of...off.

Their kisses would start off soft, but grow in intensity.

And then Mikael would panic.

The first time Jonas touched him like that, he became a stuttering mess and nearly cried when he couldn't reciprocate. He didn't talk to Jonas for a whole day after it happened.

And he knew Jonas felt guilty for trying, felt like he pushed Mikael too far even though that wasn't the case at all. Mikael had actually wanted it, had loved the feeling of Jonas's hand around him. And he wanted to do the same. He really did. But at the last moment, he panicked, breath coming in short labored gasps, and Jonas just held him, murmuring to him that it was okay, that he was sorry, that he loved him. And Mikael tried to assure him that it was okay, he didn't need to apologize, that he loved him too.

But every time he tried his throat closed up.

So they didn't talk about it. And they didn't try again for another month and a half. During which time Mikael's brain didn't stop spinning. He thought about it, the logistics of it, tried to psych himself up. Because the desire was there, he just had to get past the fear. So in his room alone he'd imagine them together, kisses getting more and more heated until he reached the moment of fear, the moment he couldn't breach.

Slowly, he overcame it. And one day, when Jonas pulled him into a kiss, Mikael took initiative. Sliding himself onto Jonas's lap in his empty apartment he slipped a tongue down his throat and a hand down his pants. And Jonas, lovely, wonderful Jonas had looked at him with insatiable lust filled eyes and whispered, "You don't have to do this Mikky." And Mikael knew how hard it was for him to say that, to want to resist. And Mikael knew, in a different way, exactly how much Jonas cared for him. So he whispered "I want to," against his boyfriend's parted lips before sliding them together again.

It was as messy and uncoordinated and awkward as a first time is. But looking over at Jonas, hair wild, cheeks flushed, completely blissed out on his bed, Mikael felt a strange sort of accomplishment at what he'd done, what he managed to turn his boyfriend into.

After that it happened a lot more frequently. Not all the time, by any means. But they slowly got more and more comfortable with that aspect of their relationship, getting more bold at turning each other on and getting each other off with practiced ease.

Until Jonas went down on him the first time and the cycle started over. Mikael couldn't understand the confused feeling of shame he felt when he couldn't bring himself to reciprocate. But Jonas, as always, was patient. He never pushed Mikael to do more than he was comfortable with, and never guilted him into thinking he should. Jonas assured him time and time again that he was happy at whatever pace they went, because it wasn't the sex stuff that mattered to him. What mattered to Jonas was that it was Mikael he was doing it with. And Mikael knew this. He really did. He just couldn't get past the conflicting feelings in his head.

But one day, during a game night with his family, Jonas put up with Samir's constant need to be on his lap and also his endless string of questions and he didn't even break a sweat. He pulled the little boy close to him and answered every question that landed in the boy’s head. Jonas taught him new words that got them triple word points, but also let him play words like dog and fly. And Mikael, sitting across the living room from them, felt an overwhelming swell in his chest for the boy he loved. When Jonas caught his eye and winked, Mikael nearly melted into the floor. He was so unbelievably lucky.

So that night, after everyone had finished tea and done the dishes and gone to bed, they retreated to Mikael's room, and Jonas became a shuddering mess under Mikael's mouth, straining to keep quiet the muttering of Mikael's name.

Jonas pulled him up after that, and kissed him, and looked at him like he was the most unique creature on earth.

"I love you," he whispered into the dark of the room, pressing kisses into Mikael's soft hair. "Not because of this. But because you're you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

And Mikael kissed him once more saying, "I love you too." And he settled onto Jonas's chest and they drifted off to sleep.

It was a process, Mikael learned. And it was slow moving. Agonizing at times, because he was so filled with want. But even knowing that, understanding what he needed to do, how he needed to get past it, he couldn’t bring himself to. Not yet at least.

And it killed him.

His mind twisted in circles, warring with himself, fighting debates about why this could be good and what exactly could go wrong. There were arguments of "but I've never felt it, and I want to know what it's like" to "but if you keep not feeling it you'll never know what you're missing" and "it's not going to be as good as everyone says, I don't know why you're so worried about it" and, the worst ones, "he might leave you after he's had you" and "if you don't do it, he'll stay."

Those last thoughts, Mikael did his best to dispel. He knew, logically, that it wasn't true, that Jonas wouldn't leave him once they finally had sex. But he couldn't help the sinking doubt that settled in his stomach. Yes, they had been together for two years, yes Jonas constantly told him he loved him for him and the rest was just a bonus. But there was always some part of Mikael that worried about how things would change once it happened. He worried that maybe Jonas would be disappointed in whatever happened, and think that he could do better. He was worried that once they had sex, it was going to be the only thing on Jonas's mind. Gone would be the days of simply snuggling on the couch, because there would always be the implication of what could be more. Above all else though, he was afraid that if Jonas were to leave, he would have given himself over completely, and there would be no way of getting it back.

He knew he was being ridiculous, he did. But he couldn't help it. The thoughts ate at his mind and soul and he didn't know how to stop. He knew the only way to push past them was to do it and deal with whatever comes in the way he always has. But would that be enough this time?

His thoughts must have been louder than he realized, because he was brought back to reality by Jonas nudging him across the sofa. "Hey, you okay?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Mikael asked looking up, "Yeah yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

Jonas laughed, and the corners of his mouth wrinkled in a smile, "I've been calling your name for like five minutes and you didn't pay any attention."

"Oh," he said wrinkling his brow, "Sorry. I was just thinking. What did you want?"

"I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the store and grab stuff for dinner, or if we should just order a pizza or something," he said.

"Let's go to the store," he said after a minute. "I think I could use some fresh air."

"Great idea," Jonas said, pressing a kiss to Mikael's lips as he stood up.

They bundled up against the early April chill and hurried out into the street. On the way, Jonas talked about his final year of classes, deciding on a master's programs honing in on a dissertation topic, getting a good idea for the future. And Mikael listened, asking questions here and there, offering noises of acknowledgment when sometimes that was all that was needed. He loved to listen to Jonas talk. He was so invested in the things he loved, and Mikael couldn't believe people like Jonas really existed. He looked at his boyfriend again, features glowing in the lowlight of the setting sun. He was beautiful, and every bit of him shone the more Mikael thought about him.

The more Mikael fixated on those shining aspects of Jonas's personality, the more real he became. He wasn't just Jonas the Cute Boy from the Museum, or Jonas the Political Science nerd, or Jonas the Boy Who Stole Mikael's Heart. He was simultaneously none and all of those things. He was just Jonas. And he couldn't be reduced to a single aspect. He was whole and wonderful and beautiful and Mikael got the lucky opportunity to love him with his entire self.

They passed through the supermarket quickly, only needing a few additional ingredients, before they ended up back at Jonas's place. The night passed much like it usually does with them, making dinner side by side, gently touching each other as they passed, laughing at what they or someone they know did or something funny they saw online. They ate, did dishes, and settled down in Jonas's room later, feeling exhausted from the day, even though they hardly did anything.

"Hey," Jonas said softly, rolling over to face Mikael. He traced the lines of his face, starting at the hairline, tracing his eyebrows, his nose, closing his eyes, and gently tracing his lips. Mikael softened at the touch, the simple pleasure of being observed by someone who loves you. "You've been really quiet all day."

"Have I?" Mikael asked, feigning innocence. He knew it. His mind didn't want to let him rest.

Jonas nodded, a hand running down Mikael's chest. "What's on your mind?"

Mikael shrugged. There was no way he could lie to Jonas, but maybe he didn't quite have to admit the truth. "Nothing really," he said after a while.

Jonas steadied him with a gaze before lowering his head and nudging Mikael with it.

"I know that's not true," he said, poking and prodding at him, trying to get him to laugh. "Come on, tell me what you're feeling."

Jonas pulled away and his features faded from the soft smile into one of concern when he saw Mikael's face.

"Mikael," he said, "Seriously what's wrong? You're kind of scaring me."

"I think I'm in love with you," he said. "And I'm terrified."

Jonas's brow furrowed. "What do you mean you _think_ you're in love with me? You say 'I love you' all the time?"

"No Jonas," he said. He took a shaky breath in, "I mean I'm fully in love with you."

He bored into Jonas's eyes, willing him to understand in that magnificent way he always does, where Mikael doesn't need to actually say the words in order for Jonas to understand.

"You mean, you wanna...?" Jonas trailed off.

"Yes," Mikael admitted breathlessly. Jonas's eyes widened, and his face opened in a way Mikael had never seen before.

"Are you sure?" he asked. He reached a hand out, running it across Mikael's hair. "You know we don't have to. I'm happy with how things are."

And Mikael knew Jonas was telling the truth. The way he smiled, slightly crooked, with soft eyes and slightly lifted eyebrows, Mikael knew fully that Jonas was being genuine. And it was that look that gave Mikael the bravery to move forward.

"I'm positive," he said, holding on to Jonas's face. Jonas's eyes were wide and searching for any trace of doubt, but they found none. Mikael pulled him down gently and crashed their lips together.

It wasn't a beautiful kiss by any means, mostly made of tongue and teeth, and at a slightly awkward angle. But they made up for it with the second one. One of Mikael's hands slipped into Jonas's hair, gripping at the nape while the other pulled him down on top of him so their hips aligned.

Jonas braced his hands on either side of Mikael's head and threw himself into the kiss. His tongue was warm as it slipped inside Mikael's mouth, and his breath came in hot pants when he pressed their foreheads together. Mikael's hands moved under Jonas shirt, tugging it up and off.

Jonas gently slid Mikael's shirt up, pressing kisses into his warm skin as his did so. He shimmied out of his jeans with Mikael's help and allowed him to do the same. He paused when they were both down to their boxers. His hands traced the long planes of Mikael's chest, watching as the muscles twitched in reaction. He watched Mikael as he gently slid a finger under the waistband, slowly tracing the mark it left on his hips.

"You're sure?" Jonas asked one more time. Mikael nodded, slow and certain, before Jonas crashed their lips together. His lust overcame him momentarily and before Mikael realized what happened, his boxers were on the ground and Jonas's mouth was around him. He let himself be overcome with the feeling, the heat, the pleasure of it all, and it was almost easy to forget that this wasn't going to be all of it. Not tonight. Not anymore.

"Jonas," he panted, tugging at their interlaced hands. He popped off and looked up with concerned eyes. "Kiss me."

Jonas softened and leaned over Mikael, meeting his lips in the sweetest kiss they'd had all day, full of tenderness and love. Mikael quickly deepened it, tugging at Jonas's hair and eliciting a groan that went straight to his groin. He tugged Jonas's hips down to let him feel it, and Jonas ground them deeper into the mattress.

Jonas broke away, panting, and reached into his side table to get lube and a condom. He threw them unceremoniously onto the bed, and Mikael couldn't help but laugh. Watching Jonas, fully naked and slightly struggling to reach, was so perfectly human, he nearly forgot what he was so afraid of. Jonas looked back at him with an inquisitive look and Mikael giggled even more. "What are you laughing at?" Jonas asked, unable to stop a laugh himself. But Mikael just shook his head, pulling Jonas down into a smiling kiss.

Jonas broke away, still smiling, to finally open the lube and spread some on his fingers. He looked at Mikael, serious now, and waited for him to urge him on. He nodded, and Jonas kissed him again. "If you want me to stop at any point just say so okay?" Mikael nodded, eyes tightly closed, steeling himself for what was to come. "Okay," he said, and he gasped when Jonas's first finger breached him.

It was painful, but Jonas was gentle, and soon he got used to the feeling. Slowly, always watching Mikael and communicating clearly, Jonas added another finger, then another. Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of panting and stopping to press kisses into each other's mouths, Mikael was ready.

And it was strange, and uncomfortable, and nowhere near as magical as he's ever been led to believe. But feeling Jonas inside him at the same time he touched him was a feeling unlike any he'd had before, and within minutes they were shuddering against each other, Jonas falling on top of him with the release, waiting to get feeling back into his limbs.

"Was that...are you okay?" Jonas asked, propping himself up to look at Mikael.

Mikael nodded, and leaned up to kiss Jonas. Jonas breathed a sigh of relief and slid out, pressing a quick kiss into his lips. He helped cleaned Mikael up and then went to clean himself. Once their boxers were back on and they were lying side by side in bed, Mikael asked, "Did I do alright?"

Jonas laughed and ran a hand through Mikael's hair. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and said, "You were incredible."

Mikael smiled and rolled his eyes, pushing Jonas off him playfully.

"I'm serious!" he said, moving back into Mikael's space. "The best I ever had."

"Seriously?" Mikael asked, skeptical. "I may be a virgin, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be over that quick, on either of our parts."

Jonas laughed, eyes crinkling, "Okay so maybe not the best round of sex I've ever had. But definitely the best partner. That I know for a fact."

Mikael rolled his eyes at the cheesiness of it, but couldn't keep the fond smile off his face. Jonas kissed him again once, twice, three times before he asked. "How do you feel?"

"Sore?" Mikael said, like a question. "But good, I think?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he nodded brow furrowed in concentration. "It was a lot. And I'm not sure when I'll want to do it again necessarily," he admitted. "But I'm glad we did it."

"Me too," Jonas nodded. He traced Mikael's features and pressed soft kisses into his shoulder.

"You've got all of me now," Mikael whispered after a while, voice loud in the quiet of the room.

"What do you mean?" Jonas asked, voice low.

"I mean you've got the last part of me. You had my mind and my heart, but now you've got my body too."

Jonas made a noise in his throat, "Mikael."

"What?" he whispered, probing the silence.

"I already felt like I had all of you. Your mind, your heart," he brushed Mikael's hair back from his face, "Those were enough. You are you, and I never loved you less because you didn't want sex."

"No?" he asked, voice weaker than he wanted it to sound.

"No," Jonas confirmed. "It just meant that I got to learn to love you in a way I've never loved anybody before. And I'll never love anybody the way I love you."

"I love you too," he said, finally. Jonas pulled him into a hug, and kissed the top of his head, his cheeks, and his lips. It was soft and gentle, and everything Mikael needed.

And there, in the quiet night, the only sounds were the soft buzzing lights above them and the passing cars outside, Mikael knew that no matter what his fear was, it was something he could get past. And it was something he could do with Jonas by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to clarify that sex is something they've been building up to for a while, and they've come close to it before. So Mikael saying that he's finally ready doesn't mean it's completely fresh to him! I just didn't know how/feel comfortable delving into *too* intimate of details. I wanted to keep it a little vague because that's how it all works in Mikael's brain. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who keeps reading my stories about these two boys in this universe. I love ya.


End file.
